Chickens, donkeys, onions and gifts. (Many gifts....words)

(this was my brain today: remedios varo, nacer)

 I feel like today was a gift.  Last night was the beginning of the gift, but filled with much more subtle emotional intensity.  These past couple of months have been so loaded with freedom, longing, confusion, uncertainty and a great deal of unbridled joy that I've been existing in a more or less constant state of over-stimulation.  Today, the uncertainty faded suddenly--that's the magic of words and silence working in their strange way--and I found myself at work this morning, being paid to do what I love.  I planted onions and tended to a rather neglected vegetable garden near Sisar Canyon.  It was beautiful outside--the sun beat down on my face and my hands dug through dirt, pulling stubborn weeds and tearing out buckets full of heavy, twisted roots to make way for the little onion starts.  There were so many animals wandering around it was impossible not to smile.... so many noises, so many little creatures running around joyously.  Michaela, the woman I am working for, has SO many animals: a donkey (who is very sweet and gentle and loves to be pet), 5 dogs, a pond full of turtles, a lot of ducks that waddle around and quack at me through the fence while I work, about 17 chickens --one of whom is named Mr. Pants (because he has these funny tuft-like tuxedo puffy pant feathers on his legs, hehehe. Mr. Pants and his friends zoom around the pasture and chase each other all day)--, 2 pot bellied pigs that are just wonderful to watch and have this really WARM nest-smell--the smell makes me feel like I'm waking up early in the morning to a home-cooked breakfast, pancakes & eggs, really snuggly and safe and warm--, and 2 goats that love to climb onto the highest spot they can and bleet their little goat-hearts out (Michaela is going to build them a jungle gym of sorts to play on, since they love climbing so much--that's one of the projects I'm going to help her with).  Michaela also has a ton of tasty avocado trees of various sorts, almond trees, peach trees, orange trees, tangelo trees.... Needless to say, my job is WONDERFUL.  My brain was quiet, peaceful today--probably for the first time in months.  There was no incessant racing of thoughts, circling in on themselves and twisting around uncomfortably in my brain.  There was no brain buzzing, no rushing, no roller coaster, no angst, no dread, no frustration.... it was just quiet--ecstatically quiet.  There's something about this solitude--working outside with my hands in dirt and the sun on my face, being completely surrounded by LIFE in all its various forms--the sounds of life, the fertile smell of the earth, the aching of my hands as they scrape and dig while becoming even more calloused and embedded with dirt; the quacking of the ducks and the tyrannical gusts of wind that blow my shirt sideways--there's just something about that experience that makes me feel right.  At peace, quiet.  Almost bliss... full of love (and pain, as always).   The broken-ness starts to unbreak, and I start to think about the future with the somewhat foreign feeling of hope, innocence.  I think of my soil-stained hands touching your soil-stained hands, and I know that this is exactly where I'm meant to be.  I'm thankful the plants have taught me patience; I am going to need a deep roaring river of it before I can repair these pieces of ours. For now, gratitude is enough.